Jane

The day she died, the cashier at PCC asked me how my day was going. Welling up, I shook my head and shrugged away the question to block the tears. Someone I sought out for inspiration and hope, who by simply being alive brought me peace of mind, was gone.

I typed in my PIN and reasoned it was okay to let myself feel. “Jane Goodall died,” I said. “So, I’m a bit emotional.”

“Oh,” the cashier replied. “Yes, I heard that.” They weren’t sure what else to say, but I knew they knew. PCC is a place of appreciation for all things natural, and I think this common thread links the people who work there with the people who shop there.

According to Instagram I was far from alone in my grief. Every earth-loving account I follow posted an in memoriam about Jane with photos, videos, quotes, memories of when they saw her in person. It was cathartic to see post after post with messages of love for her. Tens of thousands of likes and heartfelt comments expressing how much she inspired people all over the world. Her gentle demeanor and words of hope were welcome salves for so many souls distraught by the state of our planet and where we’re headed. Reading their comments made me feel like part of a global community of people who understood what Jane represented, and stood right with her.

Days later the heartache still beat. It took some courage for me to find my spot downstairs in the dark tv room and toggle to Netflix’s Famous Last Words. Jane’s episode was the first one to air.

The show opened with the text:

When someone important dies

All you long for

Is just a little more time with them

The set was a raised circular underlit stage with two black padded chairs facing each other. Only Jane and Brad Falchuk, the executive producer (and Gyneth Paltrow’s husband) were present. Cameras were remotely operated to enhance the intimacy of someone sharing their last words. The voiceover began with the sentiment that Jane connected humanity to Mother Nature.

Here I picked up the remote and pressed pause. Yes. That’s how I saw her. But not only a connection to Mother Nature, an embodiment. Serene, beautiful, nurturing, generous, intelligent, deeply connected with all living beings. Humans like her are rare. I always loved hearing her speak about her mother because it was a sort of explanation for how someone can become so wonderful.

My daughter was Jane Goodall in the third grade interactive wax museum. She wore a beige button-down safari shirt, her blond hair in a low ponytail, held a plushie chimp under her arm, and had a little blue sticker on her shoulder that, when pressed, animated her. We had taken a video, and so I was able write down what she said in her little voice:

Hello. I am Jane Goodall. I was born in London, England in 1934. I love being in the wild with chimps because I love nature and animals. I started loving chimps when I was a baby because my father Mor-ti-mor gave me a stuffed chimp and so I became interested in the wild chimps. Since I was ten years old I wanted to go to Africa, and of course I did. I came to the Gombe forest for two decades. I am the most famous scientist on chimps. I figured out so much about them from taking a lot of notes.

From the Jane Goodall Institute website: Dr. Jane Goodall, founder of the Jane Goodall Institute and UN Messenger of Peace, was a remarkable example of courage and conviction, working tirelessly throughout her life to raise awareness about threats to wildlife, promote conservation, and inspire a more harmonious, sustainable relationship between people, animals, and the natural world.

There’s a famous video of a chimp hugging Jane that says so much about the love animals can feel. The story of the chimp’s healing journey is here.

Jane connected with animals in such a deep and meaningful way, it made me wonder if that level of connection is possible for any human, or if she was truly unique in this way. Could that be possible for me?

I pressed play on her Famous Last Words interview, still at the very start, and my reaction lifted the head of my 6-pound Maltese. With her marbly brown eyes she looked deep into mine, investigating the source of my sadness, reading my soul. I explained why I was crying, and mentioned how much Jane adored dogs, her favorite animal. We can learn a lot from our pups about the ways in which animals feel, the empathy they are capable of.

I won’t spoil the interview by writing what Jane said because she deserves to be seen and remembered by everyone. I paused from time to time to allow Jane’s wisdom to float through me and settle in. Purpose, hope, never give up. She spoke of what I care most about. She won’t be replaced, but knowing there are millions who adore her and mourn for her gives me hope that at least some of them will follow in her footsteps and then be inspirations for the rest of us.